Trail Outlaws Devil's Foot Half Marathon

 Low key. Local. Not too much time away from the kids. Can enter last minute. I'm in. 

I wanted a distance that I knew I'd be able to complete without the pressure of having to train. I have enough time away from the kids with work and I really enjoy whatever miles I can do at the moment, I don't need something else on my plate. BUT, I also wanted my legs to hurt afterwards because that's a glorious feeling. It didn't occur to me until I was running on the day that I hadn't actually run more than 15km in two years. See my last post on the Three Landers Marathon.... that was my last run over 15km! Six months after having my son I'd run two marathons. Six months after having my daughter, I've done considerably less.

Anyway. The event was in two waves because some guy ate a bat in China back in 2019 and people couldn't handle eating the horrible British Christmas dinner without being surrounded by all their family back in 2020. Why eat overcooked brussels sprouts alone when you could also inflict the pain on others? The two waves was probably a great thing because the start is quite narrow. A narrow muddy incline. I quite liked it. Turns out I haven't had many opportunities to run offroad in the last few years so I was like a kid in a candy store; hyper and gassy. It was hard to know what to do; run like the clappers because it was only a half marathon or take it easy because there's a big hill and you're not that fit?

We were warned that there were some cows en route. This is a downside to the sticks; animals that need to live on the grass. I didn't cling to the lady in front of me but I certainly sped up so I could stay close. At least then the cows could make a decision as to who they wanted to ram. I wasn't sure if smelling of breastmilk would make them soften towards me or rage towards me. Fortunately, they kept to themselves while we kept to the fence line. 

I think the route follows the Southern Upland Way. I've run between Lauder and Melrose before so had some familiarity. By that, I mean I remember it was grassy with sheep. Some people are doing this half marathon as part of the Trail Outlaws series and I get chatting to a couple who are starting to fatigue. I think the events are reasonably close in succession so it's getting near the end of the season for them. People have come from further than I expected. These days I get excited about driving an hour to the beach. 

I've got some blisters. Unpleasant.

Crossing the bridge into Melrose. Waving to the fans (AKA, my toddler)

At about nine miles we cross the bridge into Melrose. I spot Scott with the red buggy and my toddler cheering. Apparently he went away running and saying that he was 'little mummy' in a race too. So that's cute. I had to run quite fast along the river because it was a single track and I had a load of men behind me. I kept asking if they wanted past but they didn't... it was too fast for me though! At this stage I've run as far as I have in years and still have to get over one of the Eildon hills. My logic was that I would get over the hill walking regardless so it didn't matter that the hill was at the end of the half marathon. In hindsight, that was possibly shoddy logic. I've walked up the Eildons a couple of times carrying babies and the ascent never seemed too bad. I guess I was walking quite slow with a baby attached, especially when Scott was also carrying up a toddler at the same time.

I hadn't been up the trail that the event took so I wasn't sure what the climb would be like. Years ago I would have considered myself a strong climber but it turns out I just don't have the strength in the legs anymore. I also didn't test any kit before I started because a) I entered last minute, and b) I haven't run far enough to need kit. So I didn't know how to work my drink bottle which meant I hadn't bothered drinking. In my attempt at hydrating I unscrewed the lid, spilt water all over myself and had to puff snot out of my nostrils in order to gulp some water down. ''Amateur!'' I hear you all screaming. And you'd be right. I'm also now too hot but can't decide if my slow movement means I'll get cold on the top of the hill. Rainjacket on or rainjacket off? This important decision is sidetracked however because there are some hikers further up the hill that are naked. I know I've underfueled and under prepared but I must be in a bad way. My eyesight is definitely getting a but blurred and I've just had to go for a tactical mini spew.

No, they're just in beige. How uncool but this makes more sense.

No, I think they are actually naked.

No, they are in those beige old man shorts. They'd look better in an olive green.

Erm, no, that's definitely butt crack I'm seeing now. 

It's ok, I'm not too bothered by some bum crack. I mean they're no Kim Kardashian but not everyone loves that look anyway. 

Oh great, so an old man feels the need to go full frontal on me to tell me how great it is that women are racing too. I cannot unsee that flaccid wrinkly cock swinging in my direction. His balcony was big but from my angle it wasn't big enough to cover his toy shop. I'm a sleep deprived six month post partum mother but that image is what has put me off having baby number three! 

I'm assuming the naked ramblers were as surprised by our presence as we were but theirs. It would be funny if they started gatecrashing running events though. Although without the dick waving. Naked but with a sock on it.

Check out the naked ramblers in the background as we climb the Eildon. Photo thanks to the poor Trail Outlaws photographer who had to see all those guys coming up full frontal. 

Some poor folk got cramp as we started the descent. Is that from the climbing? I'm like Bambi on both ice and descents and I know it. I try to open gates for folk as they come past. I'm not good at downhill running at the best of times and six months post partum is not the time to go testing out the pelvic floor strength by tearing down an Eildon! So it's a nice jog to the finish for me. My toddler tore towards me as I headed to the finish with an excited face. I love that he sees me running as a normal thing for someone to do. He's been keen to get back into the running buggy since the event too but maybe that's just because his baby sister is now old enough for it. He's getting heavy up the hills! Anyway, it was nice to give him my medal (and the smoothie I'd forgotten I was carrying with me for the duration of the race). 

My legs weren't too bad afterwards but my blisters were large and my toe nails black. My daughter also needed feeding for the entire afternoon and while it was nice to sit in bed cuddling her, taking more from my drained body made me feel a bit sick. So definitely need to remember to eat and drink next time. 

Everyone was really nice, marshals were fab and friendly. A great wee event! 

Finish line at the end of the half marathon

For fans of Mr Antonia... Scott ran the Tunnel Run 20km on the Saturday with his classic training of a 5km one week, 10km the next week, a 15km the third week and the 20km event for week number four. And that's probably the four runs he's been on in 2021. But he has done a lot of landscaping in the evenings while I fed a baby. The paving looks fab thanks.

Better end this. Baby needs a feed and I've finished my second bag of chocolate peanuts.